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A List of Horrible Superpowers

December 17, 2010

– Netflix Man – Can return Netflix movies immediately after watching them, guaranteeing he is getting the most movies for his monthly fees.

– Fro-Yo Captain – Can tell exactly how much frozen yogurt is in his cup by weight so he doesn’t check out, only to find his eyes were telling him that he needed $8 of frozen yogurt to fill that black hole in his heart.

– Dr. Palestine – At any mention of injustice, Dr. Palestine pipes in, “Just like the Jews did with Palestine.” Especially horrible if Dr. Palestine lives in Israel or Manhattan, or works in entertainment.

– The Trite Wit – Capable of dropping a “that’s what she said!” at the perfect time, and without overusing it. The rarest superpower of all…

– Cat Food Boy – Can open thousands of tins of cat food on end without getting repulsed and making a stupid face.

– Principals Girl – She can watch an iPod commercial, hear the song they play, and not immediately run to Google to see who sings it. She also has distain for those who playback the commercial on DVR, then Shazaam it.

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