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If You Switched the Genders in “Forrest Gump”…

December 4, 2010

…then the movie would essentially be about a guy who slept with a retarded girl then left her forever.

It doesn’t seem that offensive the original way though. Academy voters LOVE conventional gender dynamics. If you made a movie about women who made pies and the businessmen they are married to, you would be knee-deep in Oscars.

Also:

  • I’m trying to start a rumor that Christopher Walken was originally cast as Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop, but he backed out and that’s when the part was offered to Eddie Murphy. Spread the rumor or not. It’s up to you.
  • I think that degrees of assault should be tied to the moves you do. Like kicking someone when they’re on the ground would be 1st degree assault cause that’s totally lame, but head butting a bouncer would be like the same as a parking ticket. And if you get your ass kicked in a fight, that should count as “time already served.”
  • I have a friend with schizophrenia or some mental disorder that makes them batshit crazy. They claim they are going to be interviewed on late-night talk shows and then at the last minute, claim they had to cancel. Anyway, a)How much can I make fun of them to their face about their condition (good naturedly, of course), b) how much can I make fun of their statements behind their back (also good naturedly), and c) in the hopes that they get cured, is it tacky to start collecting proof of their mental illness so that later on you can look back at how crazy they were and laugh about it, as friends do?
  • 73% of the pubs in America are Irish-themed. 33% are English-themed. 0% are Scottish-themed. -6% are Welsh-themed.
  • If you’re between the ages of 17 and 58, people will think you are a loser if you have your birthday party in a hot air balloon.
  • I don’t know if I would be more or less interested in going on a blind date if the only information I had about the other person was “they smoke marijuana.” I’m thinking “less.”
  • The elephant man would have been a really shitty food critic in a big city, cause all the new restaurants would recognize him and be all, “Elephant man is here. Give him special service.”

Here’s Mark Wahlberg in “The Happening”, acting like his character Dirk Diggler acted in “Boogie Nights.” And the snake begins to eat its own tail.

In response to your question about your mentally ill friend; you write about them in your blog. Then a number of your friends will drive themselves crazy wondering whether you were writing about them or not…then your crazy friend has company.

– Kate

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One Comment leave one →
  1. penncollins permalink
    December 4, 2010 11:55 pm

    Also, if you ever meet someone who is like “I don’t really think Andre 3000 is all that cool or entertaining,” you should never trust that person with anything.

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