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What Was On Oprah Yesterday

November 30, 2010

Robert Redford is still hot. He’s..well..smoking hot. Fuck Sean Connery, that’s everyone’s “go-to-Old Hot Guy”. I nominate Bob.

Bob was on as a surprise to Barbra Streisand during the segment where she talked about their movie “The Way We Were”. Barbra is…well…scary. She exudes absolutely zero charm. Even her little black knit beret wasn’t fooling anyone. She is frightening as hell. Interestingly, her son lives in the penthouse condo above me. He is very nice and very quiet. I wonder if that is because he is TERRIFIED all the time. His father is Elliot Gould. Elliot Gould seems cool as hell. I can’t imagine him with such a frightening woman. Maybe Barbara threatened him into marrying and impregnating her. I saw her new husband, James Brolin, dropping off some take out at my neigbor’s house one night. James Brolin is a pretty damned sexy Old Dude as well. Shit..you go Barbra. Maybe there is something to being such a scary bitch.

Robert Redford may not be much of a party but he sure knows how to build a town. Have you ever been to Sundance? Not the film festival…the resort. It’s a teeny little town, and….a river runs through it. You think i’m joking. River replete with cute little bridge. They have the ski lodge and corresponding well appointed cabins, a tiny artist’s colony, a teeny shopping district, a few restaurants and the Owl Bar. You CANNOT DRINK at the Owl Bar unless someone “sponsors you” as a member. Then you pay $2 and the bartender dispenses all of your liquor out of  itty bitty airplane bottles. The logic to this totally escaped me, but i squinted around in the darkness and  after founding 3 patrons in the entire place, one agreed to sponsor me. Shockingly, he did this without any requests for sexual favors or a ride somewhere. I guess Sundance attracts some upstanding citizens. (SNORE.)

It’s Oprah’s 25th Anniversary year, and also her last. I am in mourning. I love Oprah. I think she is the black Jesus. The only real fight my new boyfriend and I have gotten into is when he tried to criticize Oprah and I shut him down before he could even make his point.

“OH GOD….Oprahhhh.” he sighed

“HOW MANY SHOWS HAVE YOU SEEN?!!”  i asked.

“Two, maybe three” he said.

“WELL YOU KNOW NOTHING. YOU CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT OPRAH.” I turned my back on him and changed the channel. (and huffed, or some similar breathy move.)

Wow. That is some inspired devotion. It’s almost embarassing. I guess having a collection of Barbra Streisand records and that would only be slightly less embarassing.

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